So I just remembered this blog recently as a friend of mine began blogging. I remembered that for a while I really enjoyed the creative outlet and the task of creating something for people to read and consider. I had not gotten many page views, but it seems that over the years, over 1000 people have "viewed" my page. Not sure how many stuck around to read it, but if I can, I'm going to try and fill stuff in here now and then. I try to blog on here about my views of the world, life, philosophies, and other such trinkets. And zombies, still.
I'm married now. It's been an amazing life change, so much has happened. Where the last time I wrote here my life, my decisions, my thoughts were exclusively my own, I now have a partner. I have committed to sharing my life with this woman, and it is a strange experience after 24 years of not being that way. I will say that it's wonderful, and I prefer it to any other way of living, but here I want to talk about what is strange, namely, my understanding of the bond I now share with my wife. There have been a lot of mental shifts that I've undergone, in order to put myself in the place I want to be within my marriage. I have an understanding of what I want a "husband" to be, and I strive for that. This means that I try to share the thoughts I never shared with anyone, even some of the boring ones. My money is, for the most part, monitored, as it affects someone else now. The sensation is that of losing privacy while gaining a secure place to keep all my secrets. It's kind of like the difference between having your cash in your pocket, and keeping it in a bank. I don't always have my cash on me, but I know it's safe, and to push the comparison further, it's kind of gaining interest.
There is a lot I don't have to worry about as much anymore. My wife is very familiar with a lot of feelings that I am not, and she has been able to help me understand and deal with them. Think about that for a second; I am saying that I have thoughts and feelings, inside MY brain, that I am the one experiencing, and yet someone else is, in a way, handling it for me. She knows me better than I do, she understands what I'm going to do, and what I should be doing. There have been countless times where she has had to tell me I'm stressed or angry, and this is both fascinating and wonderful. It means I sometimes don't have to think too hard, and can simply see and trust her insight.
Gilbert Ryle wrote a book that I studied in University called The Concept of Mind. In it he challenged the concept of mind and body being totally separate, and the notion that all thoughts were privileged information to the thinker. He suggested that any thought that someone was having could be known (not simply guessed), and even understood, better by someone else than the thinker. It's hard to lay his brilliant argument out here, but if you want an intellectual read, pick it up. He talks about how some people know more about the nature of thoughts, and the behaviour associated with them. That people cannot always be acting 100% of the time, and therefore are not as adept at intentionally hiding their thoughts from others. He also talked about many examples in which people may know things that others may also know based on the life they lead, and their place within it.
This blog has already gone longer than I expected, but I hope that future ones will be as long or longer. I certainly hope they will prove more interesting and provide more questions. If you stumble upon this, know that you'd be doing a young writer a service to read a couple posts, and maybe leave a couple comments. If this is not too much, then I will wish you well, and impart in future blog posts, the finer details of my plans to survive the zombie apocalypse.
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