The Category of When to Share Your Opinions and Tact

I recently exploded a little bit on my girlfriend's, roommate's boyfriend over a sort of "last straw" situation. He is 18, so a bit younger, but obviously is not aware of the effect he is having on other members of the household. There are a couple qualities he currently has that makes his interaction with others somewhat strained. The first is that he is quite negative; pessimistic, cynical, dark, and just generally against many common things in society. This in itself may not be so bad, as many people live their lives with cynical outlooks, and depressing opinions, and they are of course entitled to them. The problem is his second quality, which is his stubborn need to share his opinions the moment they are relevant.

Now, again, some would say he has a right to voice his opinion, especially when someone else expresses one that differs from his. But let me give you an example. My girlfriend is a dancer, and as such, is in love with So You Think You Can Dance?, the show. She likes watching the talented dancers come together, try new styles, and basically earn their way up the competition ladder based on skill and ability. Now this roommate's boyfriend, does not like reality television. He is quite strongly of the opinion that it is bad to parade people in front of television audiences, and watch them struggle, suffer, and fail for our amusement. Clearly not an opinion I hold, but not an uncommon one by any means. The problem was he decided to express this ferverant feeling as soon as my girlfriend sat down to watch this show, and had expressed how excited she was for this episode.

In my opinion, this was a very mean way to share an opinion. The worst time to share it is when you are bringing someone else down who is happy. Even if you feel your opinion is truth, it is sometimes better to let people have their opinions, and just hold onto yours for another time. I will share another example, sort of. My good friend is quite passionate about music, to a point where he believes he is the ultimate judge of "good" and "bad" music. He believes with his background learning to play it, and his choice of music growing up, that he has the final say on quality. Needless to say, as a person who cannot understand many of the obscure songs that he, and a select group of others I have yet to meet one of, likes, I am often looked down upon for my tastes. He has determined the things that make or break a song, and many of the reasons I like music is totally different from him.

I don't really get into it with him. Not only do I know he can't see my points even if he really wanted to, but I know that he doesn't really like a conflict in which he feels the other person is just ignorant or uneducated. I understand that my basing my taste purely on "enjoyment" or "what sounds good" is not sufficient for him, and so he shuts me down right away. I don't really care, as I have learned this is just how he is, and frankly I don't feel strongly enough to argue anyway. Because of this he honestly believes I have terrible taste in music, and doesn't really know that I think his song choice is weird and boring, in many cases. It doesn't matter, because music is important to him, and not so much to me; I know when to keep my opinions to myself.

In any case, it is so important to only share opinions that you have at a time when you are not hurting anyone by saying it, needlessly anyway. Some people will be hurt at any time, and maybe these people don't need to know how you feel. Some people want to share their thoughts with everyone all the time, but maybe these people just require validation for their opinions. If you have your thoughts, and believe them, maybe consider sparing others things that they don't really want to hear. It may make the dynamic of the group more pleasant, and that's good for everyone.

The last thing you need is a meaningless argument that gets you no where with a group of people you are trusting your life to during the final times of mankind, as they fall to the hordes of zombies the earth is populated with.