The Category of Misunderstanding Qualities in Oneself

Having talked to some people about their personal attempt to better themselves, I have discovered an issue that I think must be somewhat common. A lot of times people identify a quality that they do not like in other people, and make a real try at making sure they do not have it. However, in their attempt to achieve their personal goal, they end up taking it too far, and suffer because of it. I don't really know how to describe the problem better than that, and will have to just give you some examples.

I have a friend who is very concerned with people being self centered, and being too much of a consumer. They admit to feeling guilt when they buy expensive make-up, clothes, food, etc. and they feel like people should be aware of the effects they are having on the environment and on the effects of media on themselves. However, in a discussion I had with them, they told me about a time when they "let loose" and allowed their hedonistic side to take over. I stopped them, and had to correct them. I told them that in their attempt to avoid being hedonistic, they stopped appreciating their self worth. They felt guilty for dressing up, wearing makeup, and generally looking good enough for people to notice. I told them there is nothing wrong with wanting to be looked upon as valuable, as respectable, and feeling good about who you are and how you look. You don't have a "hedonistic side"; hedonism is a way of life, and one that is totally self centered. You can't use such an extreme vocabulary to talk about this situation; it'd be like saying you were drowning yourself when you actually just had a glass of water. There was no reason to feel guilty.

A second example was a close friend of mine who has always been afraid of the dangers of pride. They feel that pride is something so dangerous to a person, and it is better to be humble, or modest. However, having talked to her more, I felt as if she was not giving herself enough credit. She was so nervous about having pride, that she did not like to acknowledge her best qualities. She, in my opinion, risked losing her self worth, by not allowing herself to admit she has some good things about her that other people do not. I'm not saying she should think she is a better person than everyone else, but it is important to be able to identify what you believe is right and wrong, and when you are doing something good, and someone else is not. It is important to be fair and not have too much pride, but it is also important to be aware of your value, and know that you are living up to what you believe is good and right, when other people aren't.

I'm sure that many people, including myself, do this. We try to be a certain way, and in doing so, go to far with it. Some people believe that the reason society is so concerned with political correctness is because we no longer want to be the ignorant, racist, sexist jerks we used to be. In this attempt to make it right, we censor ourselves too much, just to be sure. Finding a balance is hard, especially when the exact "right" is not obvious. I don't really have a comment on this issue, I guess I just noticed it and think it's a real doozie.

I mean I think that I don't want to die in the Zombie outbreak, but it doesn't mean I'm going to stop every sick person I see from biting me if they want to. Wait, bad example.