The Category of Believing You Know All Your Dreams

I was recently hearing a common sentiment, often shared with children as they grow up. They are constantly shown people who decide at a very young age what their dream is, and are taught to shoot for it, no matter the obstacles. There is a kind of heroic success attributed with someone who makes a choice about their path at an early age, and follows through. I suppose this post will be short, because I just want to rant a little. This is misleading, and possibly damaging.

I asked my Dad recently what is something he has learned in his life that he thinks would have been good to know earlier. He said one of his greatest life lessons was that you don't always know what the best path is for yourself, and you certainly don't always know the path you are on. Basically he was telling me that it is important to have goals, or sights for the future, but that you can't get caught up believing you know best for yourself all the time. Realistically, a "dream" you have when you are young, may be not only impossible, but may turn out to be not as grand as wa believed in childhood.

What I have learned is that you need to truly have an open mind, and not be afraid to deviate from your path when it becomes opportune. Someone may reach and reach towards becoming an astronaut, only to miss a path they may have enjoyed better. I have watched people on Dragon's Den who have put ten years, and tens of thousands of dollars into their business, which really should have been laid to rest long ago. Sometimes other people can see your path clearer than you, and it is important to discover what other people see in you.

Last year I had what I call my "crisis". A little dramatic when compared to other crisis in the world, but relative to my life it is quite appropriate. For some reason I felt out of control, and still believed that I was the only one who knew myself well enough to turn things around. I was the one who decided what I needed to get better, and I pushed myself harder and harder to somehow get well. At some point I had to answer the classic question asked by Dr. Phil to people who explain why they keep doing what they're doing, "How's that working out for ya?" And really, what this question shows, is that you don't always know what's best, though it can be hard to see that. If it's not working, stop doing it.

I believe in dreams, and I believe in the stead-fast pursuit of them. I'm not saying give up when you reach a hard path, but I am saying give up when you realize the path is lined with poison, and can only end in defeat. When you find yourself here, discover a new dream; the world has many.

The Category of Growing Up (which is not really growing up)

Some people will say, "That kid had to grow up so fast," referring to children who have to go through something awful. Some people I have spoken to have believed that because they had to go through some sort of suffering that not everyone has to go through, especially by their age, that they are now more mature, have a better understanding of the world, or themselves. I have met multiple teen girls who have either had a baby, or almost had a baby, and now feel that going through this trying ordeal has put their understanding above those teens that simply worry about homework, friends, and making out.

I will admit, it is easy to attribute certain experiences with certain learning. Sometimes the things people go through do give them an insight into themselves and others, and seem somehow wiser, or more stoic at least, in the face of adversity. What I would argue is that anyone who has gone through extreme suffering (and bear with me on this, I do not wish to belittle suffering at all) have NOT learned more about the world in some all-encompassing way, but rather have merely learned what can possibly exist and how to survive. Realisitically, a lot of suffering does not require you to learn to survive; you will survive regardless. Suffering is rarely an adventure that is willingly sought, but is something that just happens, and as time passes, eventually ends. This isn't to say that suffering is "easy" because without a doubt, it is emotionally, and physically, "difficult". The problem is that people will often gain a particular view from this suffering, and I do not think this makes them more in touch with reality. In fact, I see a lot of bias in these people.

This is not everyone. Some people suffer, and are intelligent enough to consider context, and be willing to admit they are not amazing for their survival alone. I will use the example of the teen mother who has gone through the terrible ordeal of having an abortion. This girl may have been more innocent before, but now by age 18, she has gone through something awful. Maybe she felt she had no choice, or was pressured into it by her parents or the guy, whatever. The problem is, she is still an 18 year old girl. Just because you are young when you suffer, does not mean you will not experience, and process your understanding, as a young person. There is a good chance this girl will be biased in her views, possibly seeing the negative over the positive, or sticking to some belief that may not be the best fit for her own happiness. The point is, you don't grow up when you suffer; you survive, and if you're lucky, you reflect and get something from it. Some people however, are too quick to assume that the suffering is the last stage of the learning process.

Many people I talk to have seen psychiatrists or psychologists, and most seem to distrust or dislike them. Since I am dating a girl aiming to become a psychologist, this makes me really sad, not for her, but for the people who don't care to bother with these professionals. I have learned over the last few years, that psychologists care about the best possible solutions for their patients. It is a science entirely dependant on the patient's cooperation, and realistically will be useless without their full participation. They are the doctors who need you to provide all the information relevant, so they can advise you based on current scientific understanding. It has the potential to be so healthy, yet some people are opposed to letting these people in. For some reason, they trust medicine more, believing that taking a pill (which doctors typically know helps, but not why it works) instead of working with someone who cares!

I keep getting off topic. The point of this post was actually to say that we do not attribute normalcy and happiness with learning about life. I was trying to think recently, why could I not date an 18 year old. My first thought is that they are at a different place in life than me, but also realized that much of what I have gone through was not suffering, just life. I have completed university, I am almost on my career path. I have lived on my own, with friends, and I have had long, important conversations on life, philosophy, religion, and I have opened my mind to being changed by the intellects of those I converse with. I have grown through my love, my success, my happiness. I have sought out a positive truth in the world, and though it is sometimes hidden, I have found it. I could not be with someone who has not grown to this place of happiness. These people who have suffered have not had a chance to grow as I have grown; hopefully they will, but they are not more knowledgeable or mature than me. There are many things I know and understand that they do not. Sometimes thinking your suffering was enlightening gives it purpose, which helps deal with why it happened, but it is a problem to think that the growing is done, or that your view is the only view that matters. Don't let the bias of suffering blind you to the truths out there that are harder to see.

Inspired by John, Not Really a Category

I will admit my blog’s inspiration is John’s. I only decided to write my own, because I like John’s so much, and wanted to share some of the things I don’t necessarily share otherwise. I am not a secret person, but often I believe that people don’t honestly care what I have to say; this doesn’t bother me, I just don’t bother talking sometimes. Other times I talk for the sake of saying things, whether or not people really listen. I love to think out loud, and by writing or saying things, it solidifies my own understanding of my beliefs. So though I don’t have a hundred posts, I will do a little personal reflection based on what John wrote about.
I’m not an angry person, but I often feel confused. I would admit that coming from a stable family, being successful in friendships, and in jobs, and having not suffered any worse life struggles than mild asthma, I do not have much reason to be otherwise. Now, I learned in high school that you should be comfortable with yourself. By this I mean, be comfortable admitting what brings you joy, what makes you really you, and find the people that will accept and love you still. The problem is I don’t think I know anyone quite like me, and I sometimes feel weird. I wonder if people are secretly annoyed by me, or don’t really respect me. I wonder if people realize I think more than it seems just by listening to me, and I wonder if people know I care. I don’t have friends who ask much of me, which is actually a shame, because I wish I could do more for my friends.
I am certain that my life is happy because I have found a life philosophy that makes sense to me, and works. My girlfriend is annoyed to hear me quote it every other day, but when asked, all my life thoughts are based on a single concept. Two aspects make it complete; Love God, and Love everyone else. This is a short version, but it’s all I need. Knowing that this is my life understanding, and that I live a life mostly in accordance with this, gives me extreme satisfaction. If I never achieve more than loving the people around me, I will have succeeded. I don’t need to travel, I don’t need to change the world, and I don’t care if most people never hear of me. My life is lived fully by loving God, and loving others. I wish my friends asked more of me, so I would have a chance to actively show how much I care.
I had a co-worker recently admit what she loves about me; she sees that I care about everyone. When I interact with strangers, I typically start off trying to concern myself by making them comfortable, and then I’m actually interested in hearing what they feel and think. I have spouted in this blog about bringing happiness to yourself, and making the most of things for yourself. Well, I believe in true, solid love that lasts, despite obstacles that try to rend it apart violently. I also care about everyone finding this in their own, best way. People have always known they could talk to me about their feelings and that I would be interested and care. I love to listen to relationship/love concerns, and figure out what a person really wants or needs for themselves.
I know that God is my safety net. Having come to a conclusion for myself based on what I consider “adequate evidence”, I am firm in my current beliefs. Because of this, certain relationships I have may be very important to me at any given time, but do not bother me extensively when they end. Losing certain friends has been sad, but I’ve never assumed I couldn’t get more later. I love people, and love to find new friends. Rarely have I made such important friends, where no longer being friends would be truly painful. My best friend Mark is an obvious choice, as I see him as a brother. John, I’m sad to say, despite your wishes, you are one of these important friends too. I would never want to hold you back from achieving your desires to travel and move on quietly, but I would be pained to know I’d never hear from you again. This is the sort of relationship that is based on loving who people truly are. Mark and John are people who have such aspects to their personality that I feel they are examples of great people. Their intelligence, wit, love, thought, care, and more are all things that make me think the world of them. John, so many girls would be the luckiest in the world if they got to be with you in a relationship. Forget that you have anger, and that you have issues with your body; this stuff is only for you. You don’t need to doubt your relationship value, that’s not your job. Your only job is to accept what you DO bring to the table, which is so much, it outweighs everything.
I know this post sounds like I love John, and maybe I want to balance what I read in his. When I reflect on my posts, and my life, I want people to know that I care about others, I care about myself, and I care about God. Nothing else really matters. I wish more people would ask friendly favours of me, even if it is to just hang out when you feel like it, I want to be a part of that. I am a smart person; I put a lot of thought into the things I think and believe, and though it annoys me when people judge my thoughts assuming they are not rationally decided, I understand it is hard to understand how other people think. I am a happy, lucky person, who really doesn’t think he’s better than anyone else; I would just love to be there with people who don’t realize their own happiness. True happiness in life can come from the intellectual, from the artistic, from the interactive. So much happiness is there for the taking and those who can’t quite take as much, either just haven’t found it yet, or could benefit from a friend to point them in the right direction.

The Category of Being in Control of People and Things

I have come to understand that the world we live in is based in cause-and-effect laws. We know that everything that happens is caused by something else that happens to it, and that this chain can be traced to anything that has occured. For this reason, many people point to a Deterministic view of existence; that everything that happens must happen, or happens for a reason. Some say that it is God that did this, others say science simply works this way, but whatever they say, they agree that things cause other things to happen. It's the basic rule of the physical world. However, I kind of feel like there is a slight exception.

The only time I feel that people can break out of this system in through their understanding of this cause and effect system and how it works. Basically, the reason we have been able to achieve all that we have through science and technology has been through our greater understanding of somethings causing other things. In nature, gravity causes a fruit to fall from a tree, the taste of the fruit causes an animal to consume it, the animal's body causes it to be processed and expelled, and the resulting waste causes the tree to grow. However, though nature functions in this way, people have learned to gain control.

With our rational thought, we are able to think about the future; we can predict the kinds of effects that causes have. In this way, though decisions are based now on feelings and desires, not all causes have the same effects. Every time there is a decision to be made by a person, they consider the outcomes possible, decide which one they like, and redirect the natural cause and effect flow to move in that direction. In this way people can be held morally responsible for things they cause, as opposed to arguing that everything has to happen as it does. Now some would argue this does not defeat cause-and-effect, but merely makes certain effects caused by different things, ie. the tree grows where it does because we moved it there, not because it fell there. But I would say that through our understanding of nature, we have learned to thrive, and to change the natural course of things for our benefit. We are not slaves of this cause and effect system, but rather we are the artists of it. We take what exists, and make it better.

This kind of control through knowledge can also be seen in people who are intuitive, and in those who interact with them. Studies have shown that a majority of what people gain from our direct communication with them comes from body language, and non-verbal cues, as opposed to things actually said. Some people, are more aware of this than others, and these people seem to get a grasp on the kinds of people they meet much more quickly. Paying attention to certain actions, or to certain choices of words and stories, can indicate more than just what the person says. It is because of this that I find myself generally well-liked; in most situations when I interact with someone, I can quickly determine the way in which they prefer, or expect, to be treated, and by adhering to this method of interaction, I can give them exactly what they want. I don't lie, or act fake, I just show them the side of me they are most interested in. Some call me manipulative, I consider myself observant and accomodating. When I say I'm not fake, I mean I would never act out of personal character to please someone, and will still, at all times, be myself.

The thing is, being intuitive, I know what people who are also intuitive are seeing. I understand the cues they pick up, and the things that communicate most loudly to them. Because I speak this same non-verbal language, I am able to communicate in it fluently. For this reason, I am not as transparent to intuitive people as others may be. Those unaware of how they act non-verbally inevitably show more of themselves to those who know how to read them. I, on the other hand, understand the effects my actions have on people, and because of this, have confused many people about my true nature. Last year I had a problem with lying; not really about big things, but little details I would make up. Some people who knew me exceptionally well would know, but others would see my honest nature and never assume I was untrue. Likewise, though I am a strong Christian in faith, some people really only see this side of me, and assume that I am going to end up being a man of the cloth. I allow them this belief because it's the part of me they are most interested in. But people cannot assume to understand me quickly, because often I will only show the part that people will be most comfortable with.

Some people think that chivalry and being a gentleman are outdated concepts, that have no place in an equal society. They claim that a man going out of his way to be kind to women is simply a sexist ideal that brings imaginary "honour" to the man. However, the definition of a gentleman, as I understand it, is a man who at all times wants to ensure that everyone around him is as comfortable as possible. The ideals come from a desire to think of others, care for others, and have others care for you. I believe in respect and love for others whenever possible, and will at all times, strive for harmony and comfort for all. Even in the face of zombie apocalypse, you will find me holding open the door for survivors, and laying down my coat over a puddle of blood for you to cross safely.

The Category of Thinking But Only Through a Filter

My mother ranted to me a little today. She was recounting a story of a time when a professional she worked with was unable to grasp a concept she was trying to explain. There was a particular word definition she was using in this professional context, but the other person required that she repeat herself several times, correcting her definition with his own understanding. No matter how she put it, he would not or could not conceed his understanding.

I have talked to people who hold opinions that are the complete opposite of mine. Many times, the intelligent ones will have excellent reasons for their views and are able to defend them, but others are shut off to discussion, and anything I say clearly is not even begun to be understood. This often, in my experience, has happened with the anti-religious. Typically, these are the closed minded people, who have decided to hate instead of listen, defend instead of consider, and protect their views from the crazy religious people around them. Strange how I find the self proclaimed "open minded atheists" to be the most closed minded people to talk to.

I explained the situation to my father who was perplexed by my mother's story, wondering how a professional could be so dense that he could not understand what my mother was explaining. I told him that some people develop filters for their minds, and this is how the experience new information in their lives. Someone gives them something to chew on, and it bumps up against their brain filter; if it matches what they already know, it passes through, like a cube through the square hole. It's when it doesn't immediately match what they understand that the new suggestion gets stuck, chucked, rejected. These filters make talking with them dull, upsetting, and pointless. Sometimes I don't share my opinion because a person genuinely won't want to hear it, other times, I just know they won't even understand.

Speaking of brain filters, I had this idea for a way to eat the brains of smokers after I become a zombie...

The Category of Population Consideration and Context

Sometimes I think people do not pay enough attention to context. I specifically am referring to people who like to make serious suggestions or ideas based on a possibility that does not exist. Sometimes philosophers will discuss things like this just for perspective, such as in the case of multiple realiability, and that's ok. For example, the concept of "pain" as some chemical experience in the brain stimulated by nerves is a prejudiced concept when you consider the possiblity of AI (Artificial Intelligence) or robots who could eventually feel pain as something electronic in their motherboard. In fact, even the idea that aliens could have different anatomy that relies on a series of biological tubes within which water flows, requires the definition of pain to not be central only to humans. But I digress.

Certain ethics or innovations are useless. Sometimes ideas a born and pursued that have no business having a continued existence. I would love to specifically rail on Communism as an example without anyone being offended, but as some people still cling to this strange idea, I will be more liberal in my examples. The main point of this blog post in fact is the realization I had that many people cannot fathom the concept of populations of thousands of people. There are many studies that show this to be the case, and for the most part is biological and natural, rather than just stupid. Not sure if in this enlightened age you can use that excuse, but it's the way it is. People, when faced with large numbers of other people, naturally comprehend the mass of people as a single, authoritative entity. They do not consider that every single person making that mob up is an individual with slightly differing tastes, opinions, views, ideas, and lives. This sounds obvious, but consider the following.

"Mob Mentality" is a psychologically proven concept. People act differently, even in uncharacteristic ways, when faced with a mob of people doing something. Riots often escalate to very violent, destructive levels because of this, and many people get hurt. Studies show if a person is shown a square and rectangle on a piece of paper, and the group he is in all claim that it was definetly two squares, the person will admit (in most cases) that it was actually two squares. People can be influenced by a mass of people, but it is not because it is many versus one; it is because of the authority that people mentally give to that singular entity. People experience their own lives only, and are reduced to assumptions and observations about other people's lives and experience. Before I get too philosophical, let's get back on point.

Communism works in theory. This is a common phrase uttered by those discussing the history of its implementation. However, reality has shown that it has yet to work successfully as it is intended to. Countries who adopt this form of government typically have higher poverty rates, and a larger gap between the upper and lower class. Now, some will claim that the theory hold true despite its failed execution in practice, and I have an idea why. These people are not considering the greatest flaw in the concept of Communism, and that is people. Not just some, but an extremely large group of people. And people are rarely the same enough to be satisfied with similar treatment.

I don't believe that Communism doesn't work due entirely to the human evil some possess, and that it has to be the case that it fails when someone takes advantage of the situation. In my opinion, it is a concept that requires a very large group of people all participate in a concept that they must all agree on. This is nothing short of IMPOSSIBLE. Why are we still talking about Communism? This is a theory based entirely in metaphysical discussion, and has no business still being considered. This is not the only time people do not consider how many people are really out there. I watched a documentary about the second election for George Bush Jr., in which Michael Moore travelled the country encouraging young people to get out and vote. Not telling them to vote a certain way, just telling them to actually do it. Despite the largest turn out of young voters in all of American history, Bush won a second time. This was a very confusing thing to happen considering his political history, at least for some.

Then I saw the movie "Jesus Camp". In this one, fundamental Christians were shown lining up in church to kiss a cardboard cutout of Bush (tell me how this isn't idolotry, but I probably won't listen), and I realized that lots of people out there hold opinions that others would find strange or impossible. These people exist. Watch Dragon's Den or visit a Patent Office and see the things people believe are a good idea. There is insanity out there folks, and it's not far away. I may sound like I've lost faith in people, but I haven't, I just have perspective. People need to understand that the reason (in my opinion anyway) democracy works so well is because it caters to the flaws of our society; the crazies. You can't have a system of government that relies on everyone agreeing, or even understanding, because you won't have that. Democracy is about everyone having input in some way, and basically having an excuse to shut up those who claim they have better reasons for their beliefs. Think abortion is immoral and should be completely banned to save our souls? Well, we know there are enough people who want it, so you'll just have to take it up with them.

I think people need to realize that "Common Sense" is not actually common. People rag on Dr. Phil because all he does is spout common sense, without considering that the people on his show clearly have been acting without this sense. He happens to be a professional in terms of knowing what people need to hear and how. The subtleties of his interaction skills impress me so much, when you know what you're seeing. His beginning sentences to young misbehaving teens of "You're clearly a smart person, who can make decisions for themselves" is obviously opening them up to what he has to say, but some people would say he was being an idiot to say something so untrue. In any case, common sense is not common, and so many people out there do not know or agree with it. Things would probably be a lot easier in life if common sense were real. In any case, the idea to take away from this is that you really can't fathom the different perspectives of thousands of people at once; we aren't built to do it. We can really just compare our own understanding to one other person's at a time. We may be able to compare to many, but the infinite inevitably becomes categorized in our minds. Hopefully we don't hold ourselves back too much trying. Or hold ourselves back by not.

In any case, much of this will be irrelevant. Communism could actually work on zombies who all share an identical set of desires, beliefs, and philosophies. We'll be better off I guess, politically, when zombies make up our thousands.

Categorizing Something Strange Like Pet Peeves

Knowing that in our society, specifically North American, there is an increase and abundance of mental disorders and emotional fluctuations in our population, I find it interesting to reflect on pet peeves. These of course are things that bother you, and are not really a rational cause for extreme emotion, however, do cause in you something many others think nothing of. I know I have a few myself, but I wonder what they stem from, and if other cultures, like 3rd world countries suffer from them as well. I will name mine right off the bat; I hate when someone's shirt tag sticks out, and when I can see a strand of hair on someone's clothing. I know that my girlfriend has a pet peeve about people who don't walk on the right side when travelling in busy areas (stay to the right).

These things should not be causing anxiety, but the worst part about it is that you can rarely do something to address these issues, because you are a minority if you actually care that much. I can't help people with a problem they don't believe is a problem, and so I am left to suffer alone. Realistically we keep our mouths shut, only revealing these peeves to our friends who know us, because otherwise we may be seen as anal or crazy. I don't have much more to comment, other than on how my pet peeve is having pet peeves.

Don't you just hate it when people waste ammunition for celebration or warnings during a zombie apocolypse? I mean, I get that you have more, and that it makes you psychologically feel better, but geez, gets on my nerves...

The Category of Not Writing in a While

I have not posted on this blog in a while now. I know that will be obvious to my followers, but for those of you just joining us, it's been weeks. It's not that I don't have anything interesting to talk about, I'm just not really used to sharing it all in written form. I have never kept a diary, and in general, discussing my thoughts in person is adequate. I actually am only writing this post because I think it is sad to have a blog and not write in it. What I thought I'd share is my view on life and its overall length.

A lot of people will say "Life is short" or "Live every day like it's your last", and frankly I understand the sentiment, but do not share it myself. Maybe it's because I'm young, but it really does not ever feel this way to me. I'm going to give a small analogy instead of coming right out and telling you what I mean because I want to, and I'm in no rush to have you fully understand. When I was sitting in the classroom before my motorcycle drive test, we reviewed all the things I'd have to remember while on the road. It seemed quite overwhelming, and I could not fathom how I would remember all the little motions and procedures I would have to perform while on the road. I got nervous that I would either forget, or get confused. However, once I was driving on the road, I realized I had lots of time when I was simply driving straight, and I had plenty of time to sort my thoughts, and do very well.

I sort of feel this way with life. Yes, we only have a collection of decades, and for three or four of these, we may be a little less functional than in our prime, but I try to give myself a real kind of perspective. Realistically, while going through life, we have to experience every waking moment we live. We are alive, thinking, and basically being who we are, and we do this every second. There are a lot of minutes in a day, let me tell you. A day where there is nothing to do can crawl by very slowly. Even days that have busy mornings that zoom by can slow incredibly in the afternoon. We will have to go through a lot of time in our lives, and really, unless something happens to us, chances are we will keep doing this for a very long time.

I try not to be in a rush. Sometimes this is procrastination, but a lot of time, I consider it being realistic. I don't want to feel stressed trying to squeeze in accomplishments, or rush head first into important life decisions. I have always planned to get married by 25, but if it took me til 30, I wouldn't be too upset. I had a friend who at 27 was complaining he didn't even know any women he could date, and felt he was really running out of time. Now at 29, he's married. Change can happen at any moment, and take you places you didn't expect, or even didn't expect for a long time. I am somewhat living by this understanding, not rushing, trying to enjoy and experience.

One of the most influential writers I have ever read, Alexander Pope, described what it was like for young people who approached poetry as a mountain to be conquered. He talked about their vision of poetry being something to master, to prepare themselves for, to struggle and work to beat it, to put their whole effort into the task of reaching the summit, and finally, after all their work and dedication, getting to the peak. He wrote about how, from that successful vantage point they achieved, they looked off into the distance, and saw other mountain peaks of future mountains, reaching off into the distance. This he said was the folly of youth, to assume that you understand life's challenges in full. To think that you can possibly complete a life's work in your youth. In reality, he showed that there will be more mountains to climb, and it may be impossible to climb them all. I think of this when I write.

I love to write poetry, but haven't seriously done so for almost 3 years. I set a goal for myself as a poet, achieved it, and have laid back to enjoy it. I do not struggle anymore, because I believe that I have my whole life to struggle. I enjoy the climb as much as I'll enjoy reaching another summit. I see no reason to try and accomplish something that takes a lifetime to complete. I know that my pace will make me better for it. This is probably why Captain Kirk is climbing a mountain...

Pope also wrote "True ease in writing comes from art not chance, as those move easiest who have learned to dance." This line has influenced my writing just as much. I believe that it is work to be good at art; no true artist sits down when inspirtation hits, pours out work in a completed state, and is successful. True art is work, practice, dedication, etc. and I take this seriously. If you've never read Pope, maybe check out his Essay on Criticism...it's inspirational, especially to writers.

I don't know when I'll write in this blog again, hopefully not too long. I'm busy with school, work, D&D planning, and social activities, but if I can, I'll put more down on this page. Lord knows it's been way too long since I've made some sort of internet zombie reference...

The Category of a Misunderstood Faith

I am a Christian. This is convenient, given my name, but that's the way it actually is. I have, throughout my life, come across countless people who totally misunderstand the fundamental concepts of this faith, including those who are "practicing". It somewhat frustrates me, because many people will challenge aspects of my faith, thinking they have hit on an excellent point, and thinking there is no answer. I know that people believe different things, but I would expect those who know me and respect me to trust that anything I claim to believe, I have some sort of good reason for. I'm not crazy.

Maybe it is because I do not think that any one religion gets it totally correct. Maybe it's because I think that religion and faith should make sense and be intuitive, instead of something you need to be totally convinced of. This could all be due to my moral upbringing, but regardless of the reason, I know that there is something good to what I believe. People making broad claims about the total falsity about either aspects of the faith that barely matter, or making challenges so simple they are barely worth addressing, tires me. I should be happy to talk about religion, but too often I see people not actually asking for their own knowledge, but in an attempt to trip me up; they care little for the answer, they just hope it won't be quick enough.

I am a Christian, which means that I am a follower of Christ. I do not believe that the Muslims, and Buddhists, and Jews got it wrong, and I'm right. I think I have certain information and evidence that supports my belief and understanding, and they have alternate understandings. What really matters in a religion is what it wants from its followers, and why it wants it. These, in my opinion, are all that truly matter. I have faith in my religion which tells me to love God and love others. EVERYTHING I believe stems from this important life philosophy. So if you want to challenge my faith, just hold up your question to that philosophy, and that's what I believe.

Christianity is not evil for the evils of the church, or the people who abuse power. That speaks badly about human nature. If you look closely, it was the church that called for crusades, not the Bible. It was always people using religion for some evil purpose, never the actual religion itself. I follow a faith that is based in love, forgiveness, and morality. There is nothing wrong with this, and it is strange that people would like to prove to me otherwise. I would enjoy a friendly debate over the origins of the faiths, or the main figures, or whatever, but that is not what I believe matters. What matters is that religion is a guiding force to better your own life, and the lives of those around you. Some people seem so angry at religious people, and think they must be insane, living in a romantic fantasy about the afterlife. Some people are crazy about religion, yes, but not all of us are without logic.

I would like to clarify that I don't really believe anything that doesn't make sense. For example, I would be a creationist, based on the story in the Bible alone, until I found out about evolution. Now I have a better understanding of what sort of physical system God put into play to allow things to happen. Science has never proven anything that does not make sense with religion, and how could it? Science doesn't even claim to prove any aspects of an immaterial, non-physical, infinite existence. It's not equipped to. It is aware that you couldn't use physical senses and physical tests to conclude anything about things that don't follow those rules. Science has yet to reach a point where it can conclude anything about religion; all it can do is make religion more clear.

Maybe I'm an oddity, and not too many people hold the same beliefs. If someone asked me, does your religion say homosexuality is wrong? I would answer yes. But I would hope they would pursue the topic instead of making judgement on the religion I hold. Other relevant questions would include "Do you think gay people are bad people?" (No) "Do you think they are going to hell?" (No way of knowing who is or isn't) "Would you treat them differently?" (No). Yes, I believe certain things are a sin that other people don't, but I also believe in love and non-judgement about people on the whole. Every single person sins, and one sin does not make you any worse than any other sinner. We all do it, so we can't point fingers.

This post went longer than expected, but the main message is that I believe the parts of the world religions that got it right, are the ones that tell us there is something more to existence than the physical world, but that the other people in the world are just as important as ourselves. The goal of this idea is to create a happy, fulfilling world for everyone, which truly is a noble goal. It is important to identify, when choosing a religion, the similarities that all religions hold, like love, morality, truth, and the rejection of temptation and evil. For example, all religions would say that zombies are bad, and we should destroy them. Nothing wrong with that claim.

The Category of Getting More Presents

Shortest post yet, go!

I was thinking that it really pays off to be the kind of person that it is easy to shop for. I know that my father is the opposite, simply because whatever he wants he usually just buys. I, on the other hand, love absolutely anything to do with superheroes or zombies. Because of this, it is simple for people who know me to purchase even small inexpensive things I will love.

Another friend of mine loves monkeys and robots. In the last week she has gotten 2 gifts that are perfect for her from her friends simply because they are perfect for her. It is a lot of fun giving something to someone that you know will love it. Therefore, being easy to shop for is an easy way to get extra presents. I can think of multiple presents I have bought for people simply for this reason.

Thank you Jason for the Green Lantern notebook. It really was a perfect kind of gift for me.

The Category of Smashing Your Own Dreams

I mean the title of this post quite literally, and it comes from a strange experience I had this morning. For some reason last night I was overcome with exhaustion and went to bed by 10pm. Usually I am going to bed by 1am, so this was strange. However, it also meant I woke up much earlier than usual. I was regaining consciousness by about 7am, and this is when the strangest thing happened to me in my own head.

I had been dreaming, and it seemed that today I was coming out of the dream world slowly. I was slowly gaining control of my senses, and though my eyes were closed, I began an internal dialogue with myself. It was as if one part of me was convinced that the objects of my dream were still real and relevant, and my waking side was showing me why this was a mistake. Now, this being a dream, it seems I only remember 2 parts that I held to, and that I had to convince myself were simply dreams. It was a little like this...

Dream Me (DM): Well now that I have been at my place of work for a significant amount of time, and explained to Jake exactly where it is located, I am certain that I know where it is.

Waking Me (WM): Oh yeah? Where did you tell him it was near?

DM: I told him that the Pier 1 I work at is located in Waterloo, in the plaza that has Zehrs on its left, and the Beer Store that Mark used to work at on the right. I remember the Beer Store because earlier Matt Prestwich stopped there to buy some booze!

WM: That's funny, I clearly remember that Mark works at the Beer Store on Victoria St. He has not worked at any other locations. I also know Waterloo, and there is no Beer Store near Conestoga Mall, though there is a Zehrs attached. I also know your logic is flawed because Matt Prestwich doesn't drink beer. He would not have gone to a Beer Store there. I am picturing the area of Waterloo that Pier 1 is in; can you see it? Everything you describe is not reality.

DM: ...

WM: What are you holding?

DM: This is a book I'm still reading. I can't wake up, I'm not done reading it. I know it has something to do with blizzards.

WM: *snatches book out of hand, slams it down on the ground, closed*

DM: *stares gaping in shock at Waking Me*

WM: I know what you're thinking. You are thinking I lost your page. But you know what? You weren't really reading that book. I didn't lose your page because you weren't on a page. Look at that book; do you remember what you had last read? Do you know what part of the book approximately you were in? No, and if you try to look at the pages of the book now, they will be nonsense or blank. There is no way for me to lose your spot in that book, because there is no book.

DM: ... *stares at the book realizing I'm right. I know the book has no content*

WM: I guess I'm going to have to wake up now. I have no dreams left.

So this may seem like a strange way to share this story, but this is how it happened. I felt divided somehow, the logic stamping out the creative imagination. I am glad it was just in order to wake up, and not my personality as a whole. It's good though; we should not let our creativity keep us from totally understanding reality. I guess my brain is good at that. Maybe this sort of thing happens when you wake up more suddenly, it just happens much quicker. I'm not sure. It was just strange to have these epiphanies of things I already knew about the way things are. I know that this is how I remain calm after waking from a nightmare. The following seconds are filled with me reminding myself of reality, and that the danger was just a dream. This is why I don't panic whenever I am running from hordes of undead, and then suddenly am not.

A Reworked Category of a Popular Cultural Favourite

Travelling along a sand dusted road, with the chilled night air in my face,

My nose caught the wafting drafts of marijuana,

When suddenly, in front of me, a ways off, the was some faint illumination.

I had felt trouble keeping my head up any longer, and my vision had blurred;

I could not continue my travel this evening.

A female figure was standing between the outside and the in,

And there was a sound like the ringing of a church bell.

I began to consider the implications of the scene before me,

Thinking that it may be my salvation or my damnation.

Before I decided, she pulled a match and pressed it to the wick of tapered wax

And guided me inside. From somewhere down the hall I heard someone address me,

And though I could not be sure, I was almost certain that they were saying the following:

“We extend to you a sincere greeting from this establishment. It really is a beautiful resort to behold, and the beauty of your features may be compared to it. We have vacancy at present, in this establishment, and we are open year round at this location.”

My female guide seemed somewhat crazed about the topic of diamonds and jewellery,

And she spoke of fine cars with an almost sick obsession.

She explained that many of the people she spent time with were attractive younger men,

And she was close with them all.

She tells me of how they spend their summers in the inner gardens of the establishment,

Dancing to music until they are soaked with sweat.

She assumes that some of them will never forget those beautiful summer memories,

While others more than likely only used them to brighten the dark memories of their past.

I requested an audience with the head of the establishment,

And I requested that he fetch the alcohol I always preferred to drink.

He explained to me that this establishment no longer carried that particular alcohol,

And in fact, they had not for some time.

Interrupting our conversation, I could once again hear the hidden voice down the hall.

The voice did not cease, often disrupting my sleep, just to hear the repeated message:

“We extend to you a sincere greeting from this establishment. It really is a beautiful resort to behold, and the beauty of your features may be compared to it. Currently our patrons are partying here at our establishment, and though it was not expected, it is most welcome. We encourage you to come down to the party, using any excuse necessary!”

In my room, I was able to gaze at my reflection above me as I lay on my bed,

And in place of my choice alcohol, I had a bubbly, pale rose coloured drink, chilled.

My female guide had explained to me that the patrons at the establishment,

Were really here against their own will, in a way, but for their own reasons.

The patrons she spoke about were, at the time, in the headmaster’s suite;

They had come together to share a large, albeit strange, meal.

It began with the attempt to slaughter the main course together with their utensils.

It was proving quite difficult.

The final memory that I could share with you of this place,

Was that of the night I decided to leave. I had planned to leave by the same way I had entered when I had arrived.

Before going however, the man on duty that evening advised that I stay calm.

He went on to tell me that the establishment was well equipped to receive new patrons.

Unfortunately, due to the nature of the establishment I found myself in,

I was allowed to go through the motions of making my escape,

But I would never be permitted to actually leave the premises…

*Note: Zombies will not be mentioned this post.

The Category of Being Right Whether I Know It Or Not

I have talked to some people before and asked them their opinion on this question. "If I say today that the sun will rise tomorrow, can I be right or wrong about this statement at the moment I speak it?" Basically people adhere to one of two main arguments. The first, and in my experience the most common, is that it is not capable of being a true or false statement; since it refers to something that has not happened, it can not have its validity determined (and therefore cannot exist). The second idea, which I hold, is that the statement is true or false (depending on what happens the next day) you just can't know that you're right or wrong.

I believe that it is possible to be right without knowing it. I would never say someone can KNOW the sun will rise tomorrow, but their statement of whether it will or not is either true or false. This belief comes from my understanding of how time works, as well as cause and effect. Understanding that time is a measurement of reality, and that physics obeys a cause and effect system of functioning, I believe that many aspects of reality can really only happen a certain way. I will NOT be going into determinism and moral responsiblity and free will, I am just talking about the world and truth. Anyway, I believe that because there is inevitably a way that things will go, AND a reason that it will have to go that way, there is truth or falsity right away, and it does not require that the person speaking it know the truth.

I have had this idea in my head that some people seek truth without knowledge. It seems that some people want to come up with ideas that make sense, but cannot yet be confirmed. Yet they hold to these ideas in the belief that they MAY be right, rather than saying that they are neither right or wrong. I seem to feel that if there is a truth out there about something, I'd like to think I've considered it, and not just assumed that because it can't be confirmed it is irrelevant or disproven. Whoa, this is moving to religion, and I am not trying to go that far...

Basically I feel I may write a book or something someday about the desire for our rational intellect to be right without knowing that we're right. It's how philosophy functions, it's how new ideas come to fruition, and it is what drives people to seek truths that seemed totally out of reach. I admire those who seek to find that which is believed to not exist or be possible, and inevitably forward science and technology, as well as philosophy and theology.

And call be crazy, but I think a zombie outbreak is going to happen. And I might be right about that.

What's "Good Quality"?; A Category

I know this is a topic that often applies to art, and many will be familiar with the question. There is a real difference in how people feel about "good" art. As a poet, I am quick to judge other poems that are either not as seriously worked on, or considered, and may even look down on certain kinds of poetry that I feel should not be classified as such. Some music purists will tell you what a "good" song should have, or a movie critic telling you what is "great" about a movie. Of course some people believe that a standard exists, others claim it is really a personal choice; this is how certain unusual forms of art exist. Rap music for example. Okay, that was a cheap shot.

This post isn't really about that question though, because everyone already thinks about that. What has been brought to my attention is the question as it applies to philosophy. It's interesting to me how some people love/hate, believe/disbelieve different branches of philosophy or arguments. Some people think certain branches are useless or stupid, while others claim it is quite necessary. I also find it strange, as someone who has studied academically, what others consider philosophy. Maybe I'm being a purist, so stop me if I start to sound too biased...

For those people who have not studied philosophy academically, I think it is rare to find someone who is smart enough to get it on their own. Frankly I believe that to learn philosophy, you require a collective attempt and intelligence, or you miss things. I had a friend who came up with his own idea, and even read a little on the subject, and loved to share his brilliant idea with others. Unfortunately, while he told my friend and I (us both having philosophy degrees), we thought of so many problems with his theories, we couldn't even begin to explain. For him, it was a great thought, and to us, it was just not tested enough.

The point is, I think there are people out there who don't think philosophy should be a challenge; it isn't just an argument with serious debate in an attempt to discover a deep unknown truth. I honestly think some people love philosophy that is not too academic, or too complex, but rather gives someone food for thought. For some, philosophy is a mental exercise, a game, to toss around for the fun of it. This is why some people don't delve too deep, or hear the questions without hearing the detailed answers. It is also why people make money on books that are like, "South Park and Philosophy" or "Batman and Philosophy", and other pop philosophy ideas. So many philosophy books are just a bunch of pages with examples of questions, and a half page theory to go with it.

For me, this is not philosophy, and these things make light of the seriousness of philosophy. Not that it isn't funny, but there books make people wonder why it is a university course. REAL philosophy, if I may call it that for this post at least, is a question or problem posed, seriously, for consideration in an attempt to find an answer where there seems to be inconclusive ideas. It is fun, but it is work, and there is so much to consider. Real philosophy is open, should be discussed and argued, and is full of passion. The pop philosophy books, and even movies like "Waking Life" don't really tell you what philosophy is like, and it even gives the real thing a bad name. It's making a very intellectual study into a passing curiosity. Realistically, because it is complicated, it does take massive amounts of time to properly cover what needs to be covered, and not everyone has the time, but for me, it should be understood that if all you've read are the pop philosophy books, watched the mind-blowing movies, and chatted with friends who seem to just be fascinated at all the "deep" stuff you think about, you are scratching the surface and should consider the real source of this brilliant study.

But the main point of this post is, am I right? It seems right to say art COULD be subjective, but when I think about something I am passionate about, it seems like I couldn't actually agree. I believe there is "good" and "bad" poetry, and I think that though there are slightly different ways to determine it, there are some universal good and bad poems. With philosophy, I know how I believe it should be, and would think someone telling me otherwise just didn't understand as deeply as I did. What I'm saying is, I want to be open to other people's ideas, but I want to be able to trust my own intelligence. I'm not so curious about art, but am I right when it comes to thinking philosophically? Not that you need to be academically trained, but if you want to get serious, you should at least talk to someone who's been in the field if you can. It's just so hard to determine if there is a universal "good" and "bad" philosophy. I suppose this is the philosopher in me, asking this.

Also, are there good and bad zombies? Not like morally, since they are either evil or neutral (since they're mindless), but could there be a zombie concept that is so lame it is a "bad" zombie? Do we have sparkling zombies yet?

The Video Game Category of Necessity

I truly love video games. I can say this after having completed the 30 hours worth of gameplay required to beat Yakuza 3 on Easy mode (which is apparently only 34% of the game completion). I remember getting my very first Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) when I was young. I was out of the classified ads in the paper, and it came with a strange japanese cartridge that contained 101 of the most important games of the time. I played everything, all the classics.

I have since owned pretty much every system to come out, including Sega Genesis, Super NES, N64, Gamecube, PS2, PS3, Nintendo Wii, and Xbox, and Xbox 360. I remember these days fondly, and have many memories of many great games. I don't want this post to just be about what I like, so I'll get to my point. With the increased technology, availability, and variety in games available, I believe that video games are becoming so common a form of media, that they will rival movies in popularity.

We have already seen advertisements in theatres for up and coming games. Gears of War had an amazing trailer for the big screen. Also, as a fairly recent development, it is becoming common to see product placement in games. It's the reason why I still prefer 5 Gum; it's the Spiderman Game Gum. In any case, I think that the Wii especially has moved the video game industry into a much larger target market. My grandmother plays tennis on the Wii, and the vampires of True Blood play golf. Everyone can find a game they like, and join the world of gamers.

I do believe that the rating system is important. Just like the movies, a rating board that does not make money based on what the ratings are, is a concerned third party that allows others to be better informed. I guess the main point here is that I have 2 opinions: 1) All children should have access to at least one kind of video game system, and 2) All video games played should be monitored by parents. It is at a point where not having video games will be like not having movies, or internet. It will be robbing your child of something that there is really very little reason to rob them of. Like movies, as long as the content is monitored, there is only enjoyment to be had.

I could go into the details of how some people think video games make kids violent, but that's not my point. I just wanted to share my strong opinion that in the near future, every child should have access to video games of some sort, the same way children should have access to movies. They are so much fun, and are even more social than watching a movie with friends; there is talking and joking while playing in most cases. In fact, there are some important things that can be learned from video games that can't be learned anywhere else.... like which weapons work best against zombies. You really don't know until you try.

The Category That Attempts To Simplify Things

I was watching Oprah recently (actually not my first choice, but my girlfriend loves it) and I noticed that a lot of things that Oprah loves are single sentences that express a certain philosophy or view about life. I probably noticed because I love to do this too. For some reason, the idea of using such finite pieces of wisdom to understand the vast infinite complexities of reality and existence is superbly appealing. There are a number of reasons, one of which being memory and application, and the other being placement of self in the grand scheme.

There have been several moments in my life where my dad changed my life with a simple piece of logic. I watched a scary movie, was scared to go to bed, and he asked, "You think that because you watched that movie, that exact same thing is NOW going to happen to you in this house?" It seemed ridiculous to think that 10 or 12 years had gone by without a hitch, and now I expect aliens to come blast me into oblivion while I sleep. I was at a dance, too shy to dance where any girls were going to see, and my dad (a chaperone for this particular grade 6 dance) reminded me, "You love to dance!" and suddenly that was all that mattered. When people ask me my life philosophy, I tell them the 2 commandments of Jesus, and a single line from "Bear Neccessities". I focus on the tidbits, and turn them into universal truths.

For one thing, these small phrases are easy to remember. I recall reading "Mere Christianity" by C.S. Lewis, which is an amazing piece of writing that I highly recommend, even to non-christians, and felt that his arguments were logical and compelling. However, every point he drove home seemed to span at least 3 pages, and after completing the book, I felt hard pressed to repeat the ideas that were shared. It was too much, and too detailed; summarizing felt like I left too much out. It may have been complete, but because it was not conscise, I could not use it easily with others. When you have a singular phrase you can apply, you can make it fit, use it as a guideline in decision making, and sort of shape the finite into the infinite possibilites it needs to have. In this way, the finite becomes useful for the infinite. Sort of like a category...

Another great reason to use simple, one-line phrases, is that it allows you to find a place in the world. It is so communicable, and often easy for people to see the immediate merit of the statement, that you can feel connected and understood. By associating yourself with a concept, you accept a sort of title, and this really helps in understanding the infinite complexities of the self. It helps to categorize one's own being, and by feeling like you have a good idea of where you stand, you can see things around you much more clearly.

I think these are the reasons that little sentiments come about. People understand the staying power of these phrases, and so they devlop and get shared. I love them, and I bet that most people have one or two that they love as well... like, "It's better to have loved and lost, even if you lost it to zombification."

The Category of Feeling Good vs. Looking Good

I am sitting at my girlfriend's house writing this blog, thinking about people's feelings compared to their body image. I suppose this may be another blog that is not an opinion, but a thought meant to get you thinking yourself. I consider myself to be a confident guy with good self-esteem. I am pleased with many facets of my personality, and believe in my own self worth. I also know that I am not unattractive, generally falling into the "cute" category, or "handsome" when you talk to older people. I am happy with myself, and if the odd person doesn't like how I dress, wear my hair, or whatever, I don't mind. What is interesting is where I seem to draw that line, which I am sure is not unusual in people; it's when I take my shirt off.

When I was young, maybe 8 or so, I used to go around my house without a shirt on. It was comfy, and I loved it. As I got older, I didn't want to make my growing sisters uncomfortable, and so I started wearing a shirt all the time. Mind you, bed time was okay, and I slept without a shirt, but during the day, at the table, hanging with my sisters, I went fully clothed. In my teenage years, despite the fact that I was in excellent shape, being quite muscular from martial arts, I kept my shirt on except when swimming or sleeping. It became normal to wear a shirt, though I always made the choice.

This year, after not working out very hard for a long time, I have gained weight. Having gained weight, I have discovered that I hate taking my shirt off except when completely alone. I will take off my shirt to climb into my bed and get under the covers. The point is I am experiencing a strange dissatisfaction with my body, and I am acting differently because of it. What I am trying to figure out is whether or not this can be a healthy motivator, or if I'm going to deal with it in a "positive attitude" mentality.

I know that many obese people learn to love themselves as they are. They suffer depression based on hating their bodies, and because of this, are encouraged to love themselves. However, obesity can lead to so many terrible health complications, it's strange that they are not encouraged to try and get healthier. You don't tell someone with a gaping wound to love themselves despite the pain and infection, but rather, you get them to a hospital, or at least disinfect the thing. Perhaps I should be feeling some dissatisfaction towards my weight, and use that to encourage me to move out of the "risk of diabetes" bracket I have fallen into. I suppose I want to say I believe in positive attitude and self-love, but it is also important to not use that as a reason (or demotivator) to not work towards better health.

I am certain that I will get back into shape; thanks to the information my girlfriend shares about healthy eating, and her motivation to help me care more about my health than the pleasures of cheeseburgers all the time, I am getting there. Plus I'm young, so hopefully I have lots of time if I start now, if not slowly. I think it is "okay" to be overweight in terms of self-worth, but it is not "okay" to decide you are going to just live that way. If the information I have gathered is correct, most obese people get diabetes, and diabetes puts the largest strain on North American healthcare.

Besides, anyone who has seen Zombieland knows that one of the rules of survival that is right at the top; Cardio.

The Category of Excuses Part 2: Love

I am an advocate of love. As you may have read from my previous posts, I love Valentine's Day because it is a celebration of love. I think people who do not think love is amazing are those who do not have it, or fear they will never get it. Those who have been hurt by it may also be jaded, but those with it swear there is nothing better. I believe that love can happen between so many different people, and it is such a positive thing to have in life. Now that I have premised what I'm saying with this, I can get into something that angers me.

I feel like some people use love as an excuse to do bad things to other people. I'll shamefully admit that on the Bachelorette tonight, one of the final three guys admitted that he was breaking things off with her because he was in love with an ex. So many marriages end because one person is so in love with someone else they can't be apart. This always makes me feel sick, especially as someone who believes love is so strong and important. This is because everyone is kind of expected to understand.

When people say that they are doing something to someone because of "love" they are basically playing on the idea that love is above all other things. They believe that "true love" is more important than the vows of marriage, the less powerful love of someone you've been with so long. They think that because people generally see love as being so important, that no one can say, "You should ignore love, and do what would be more responsible." Frankly, I think in many situations, this is actually the case; love is not above all else. In most of these examples, the other person getting hurt also feels love, and apparently their love does not matter.

Love is something absolutely wonderful, but it is not a right. Love is something you can try and achieve, but it is not something that wipes away other people or other commitments. It tarnishes the concept of love when it is used to hurt someone, or to be selfish. To top it off, using it as an excuse because you think people understand how powerful love is supposed to be is really awful. These people should really come out and just say, "I matter more, and frankly if I can be happy, I don't mind that you are going to suffer, at least not enough to do anything about it." Love does not tie your hands, in my opinion. Love does not excuse every wrong. Love would not excuse murder, or physical abuse, but people are expected to buy that it justifies emotional trauma. This always makes me feel sick.

Love is a wonderful thing, and you should look for it wherever you can find it. People should get love when they have the chance, and should accept that they may not be allowed to have it sometimes. Love is often glorified in art and poems, and media, but it does not mean that nothing else matters, really. Life is complex, full of ups and downs, and love is there, and sometimes isn't.

"Honey, I'm sorry. I know we're married, but I'm in love with zombies, and I just want to be with them." .... Not cool.

The Category of Misunderstanding Qualities in Oneself

Having talked to some people about their personal attempt to better themselves, I have discovered an issue that I think must be somewhat common. A lot of times people identify a quality that they do not like in other people, and make a real try at making sure they do not have it. However, in their attempt to achieve their personal goal, they end up taking it too far, and suffer because of it. I don't really know how to describe the problem better than that, and will have to just give you some examples.

I have a friend who is very concerned with people being self centered, and being too much of a consumer. They admit to feeling guilt when they buy expensive make-up, clothes, food, etc. and they feel like people should be aware of the effects they are having on the environment and on the effects of media on themselves. However, in a discussion I had with them, they told me about a time when they "let loose" and allowed their hedonistic side to take over. I stopped them, and had to correct them. I told them that in their attempt to avoid being hedonistic, they stopped appreciating their self worth. They felt guilty for dressing up, wearing makeup, and generally looking good enough for people to notice. I told them there is nothing wrong with wanting to be looked upon as valuable, as respectable, and feeling good about who you are and how you look. You don't have a "hedonistic side"; hedonism is a way of life, and one that is totally self centered. You can't use such an extreme vocabulary to talk about this situation; it'd be like saying you were drowning yourself when you actually just had a glass of water. There was no reason to feel guilty.

A second example was a close friend of mine who has always been afraid of the dangers of pride. They feel that pride is something so dangerous to a person, and it is better to be humble, or modest. However, having talked to her more, I felt as if she was not giving herself enough credit. She was so nervous about having pride, that she did not like to acknowledge her best qualities. She, in my opinion, risked losing her self worth, by not allowing herself to admit she has some good things about her that other people do not. I'm not saying she should think she is a better person than everyone else, but it is important to be able to identify what you believe is right and wrong, and when you are doing something good, and someone else is not. It is important to be fair and not have too much pride, but it is also important to be aware of your value, and know that you are living up to what you believe is good and right, when other people aren't.

I'm sure that many people, including myself, do this. We try to be a certain way, and in doing so, go to far with it. Some people believe that the reason society is so concerned with political correctness is because we no longer want to be the ignorant, racist, sexist jerks we used to be. In this attempt to make it right, we censor ourselves too much, just to be sure. Finding a balance is hard, especially when the exact "right" is not obvious. I don't really have a comment on this issue, I guess I just noticed it and think it's a real doozie.

I mean I think that I don't want to die in the Zombie outbreak, but it doesn't mean I'm going to stop every sick person I see from biting me if they want to. Wait, bad example.

The Category of Using Diseases as Excuses

I think the title of this entry is a little more negative sounding than I mean it to. I just wanted to point out something I have seen in people, including myself, that I have not totally decided my opinion of. I've seen it a lot, and have had ample time to consider my position, but I can't quite conclude it. This is the issue of people with certain medical conditions that they have been properly diagnosed with, using their issue to some sort of benefit, specifically when it is not actually caused by the disease. I have two specific examples I think of, and these two explain my problem deciding my stance.

A friend of mine that I hung out with a couple years ago had some sort of learning disability, or mental dysfunction, that was really limited in its scope. What I mean was, he admitted that although some people have a far worse version of what he has, his is more of an annoyance or inconvenience than an actual issue that really affects his life. However, because of the understanding of his disorder by the medical community as serious, he applied for and received several special allowances in university. He gets copies of notes from other students who volunteer to make copies of their notes for people who have a harder time. He gets more time for tests, and even special conditions under which he can take them. He told me that he doesn't need any of this stuff at all, but he figures his issue may as well be good for something, and he uses it to excel in university. Frankly I don't want to condemn him as a cheater; I don't know if perhaps he actually would have a harder time. I feel like he has a point, and if he has to have this problem, he may as well make use of what small benefits it provides.

For the other example, I use myself. I was diagnosed with asthma when I was 6 years old, and have become short winded quickly, and may suffer asthma attacks which are very scary. Now sometimes this can be very serious, but other times I am fine and I know it. Other people do not. I have used my asthma as a reason to try less hard, or succeed less in gym classes. I have actually used my asthma to get more time to catch my breath at a Tae Kwon Do tournament, and even was allowed to pause and drink water! This is unheard of in a competition, and I have trained to fight when having an asthma attack; I didn't really NEED a drink. What I figure is if I have to live my life with a problem that will on occasion rob me of my ability to breathe, I might as well use it to get a drink or a break now and then. It seems like side by side, it's an obvious trade.

The problem is I always feel bad when I do this. I feel like I'm using a cop-out, and that I'm being unfair to people around me, getting an advantage I don't really need. I suppose it is the difference between seeing the situations one at a time, or considering the big picture that is our life. The conflict lies in that it sounds like it makes sense, but it feels wrong. Tough to figure out, feeling guilty about trying to make something unfortunate more fortunate. I haven't decided, just wanted to share my two sides.

But don't come crying to me that zombies are eating your ankles; I'm sure you can actually run just fine.

The Category of Communication Outside Language

As a poet, and english major, I am sometimes very interested in the ways humans communicate outside of language. Obviously language used between those who speak it will be a much more clear, and straightforward, or at least descriptive, way to talk to each other, there are times when it is not an option. I have often thought to myself about the incredible power that words can have over people, especially said by the right people. A loved one insulting you, a comedian telling an extremely graphic joke, a horror novel building suspense just right. All examples of how language is used to affect others. However, when we do not understand the language being used, it is utterly powerless. Then there are the ways we "talk" outside language, and these don't carry power, they are simply tools used, in many cases.

I think first about universally recognized sounds that take the place of words. Laughter is an obvious one, but that isn't even really controllable. I think about the sounds, "Mmmmm" and "Mhmm", or "Meh". These I'm sure you can immediately identify and would most likely use them yourself. These sounds are all borne of natural human responses, but some, like the "Mmmm" are ingrained from society. A scream, a spit, a sniff. All communicate to people, despite any language barriers that may exist between them.

Another form is signing, unofficially. Sign language is not so commonly known, but certain gestures are obvious. A pointed finger, a tongue licking lips (which could mean more than one thing), a pinching of the nose with a frown. Again, people of other cultures can figure out what you are trying to say through these humanly actions that connect us all. It is really very interesting how much these can be used, as well as being aware of their limitations. I remember a time when I was in South Korea and met 3 very kind gentlemen.

My father had gone out with the grand master to visit some friends, leaving me to spend the evening alone in this small town. I walked down to a small, family owned pizza shop seeking food. I walked in, and half the place was a restaurant, but the other half was couches and chairs around a dining table. Sitting there were three middle-aged men. I looked at the menu board for a few seconds, unable to identify a single topping on any of the pizzas displayed. Feeling quite unable to proceed, I turned to leave. One of the men called out to me in a sort of "Enh!" sound, getting my attention. I turned, and he waved his hand towards himself, inviting me to join them. It became apparent that not one of them spoke a word of English. They handed me a shot glass and poured me some soju.

For the next 10 minutes we sat, smiling, trying our best to converse. I explained to them I was here with my father, and that I did Tae Kwon Do. They explained this was one of the men's family pizza shop. I told them I was from Canada, showing them a flag to explain. Eventually the owner's 14 year old son came in, who knew some English from school. He helped translate for about an hour, where we tried to fill in all the gaps in understanding through gestures. It was a fascinating conversation. They eventually gave me a free large pizza and 2 litre bottle of Pepsi as a gift, and somehow I managed to get just pepperoni.

As someone used to conversing exclusively in english, it was amazing to see how much I could do without it. The company of those men, the feelings of spending time with new friends and interesting people was enough. I wouldn't be surprised if I could dine with a famous person from history that spoke no English, and still gather much about them and their life. English will always be the language I love most, and wish to use as well as possible. It is nice to know however that without it, I am not totally impotent, and that the humanity we all share connects us in a way we all understand fundamentally. This is what truly separates us from the zombies.

Categorizing Pet Names

I plan on having cats. Kittens to be exact, and two of them. I am not an animal person, never having really grown up around any. I have lived with dogs, and though I treat them well, they are a source of great anger and frustration. For some reason, cats calm me. I see a cat and I am immediately happier. I just love their expressions, mannerisms, personalities. I am also terribly allergic, though I plan to outgrow it through a long period of suffering. I may get hypoallergenic, but I also may get the allergy shot that lasts a month or something. Regardless I will have 2 cats.

I do not like pets with people names. Now, I actually don't mind it when it is named after someone, such as "Mozart" or "Morgan as in Morgan Freeman". However, if the name is said, I would always want the reference explained right off the bat. A dog named "Dave" not named after anyone is weird to me. I know dogs are alive, but they are not people... So I really do prefer names that are restricted to pets. A cat is pretty much the only thing I could name Green Lantern and not have it be totally strange. Maybe not the best name, but good enough and one I'll consider. I would like Vlad, Khayman, Captain (as in America), or even Link, or Sonic. Actually NES characters could be pretty sweet. I just know that despite the physical discomfort I'll have, the amount of joy it will bring will be more than any other type of animal could bring me. But naming it right is important. So important that I am already sure of my first two boys and girls names, but not of either cat. Time to get creative. Maybe get a grey one and call it Render?

In any case, I don't think Zombie is a good name for a cat. Cats are too cute, and zombies are too... well pick any quality of a zombie, and it's too that. In fact, cats may just be the opposite of zombies. Weird.

The Category of Being A Simple Complicated Person

It is strange to me, but sometimes I feel like I am a really easy person to get to know, and that I try to live simply. But there are other times when I feel like no one is like me, and somethings make me totally separate from anyone else I know. It is peculiar to me to be so sociable, yet feel so unlike anyone else around. I suppose everyone is unique, but sometimes the things that make me, me, have me feeling like I have the strangest things about me.

The ways that I am simple would be in my life philosophies, and my extroverted personality. My life philosophies can be summed up in 2 quotes: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your might. You shall love your neighbour as yourself." is the first quote, from the Christian Bible obviously. The second is "If you find out you can live without it, and go along not thinking about it, I'll tell you something true; the bare necessities of life will come to you" which is from the Jungle Book. These are the statements that at this point in my life, guide me. They are my direction, and utterly my belief. Knowing this, means you know a lot about me.

I'm also pretty talkative, and as such, share a lot of my likes and dislikes. I may not share my opinions too strongly or readily, but if it feels safe then I like to share. In general I like answering any questions I am posed with, and so it is easy for people to know the things they wonder about me. I drive a motorcycle, I do Tae Kwon Do, I love zombies, I read/write poetry, I love D&D, I love superheroes and video games, I drink too much Coca-Cola, and so on. These are things my friends know immediately, but also things that many people learn about me right away. I am friendly, caring, interested in others' and their well being, I am generous; these are also things people can see right away.

There are some things that I feel are rare in people, and I have them. I feel most connected, and enjoy listening to, 80s New Wave. One Hit Wonders and things like that I love to death. Another musical aspect is that I like to sing. I sing to myself, I don't think I'm amazing, but I'll do it anywhere. At the mall, in my house, the car, even the bus with headphones on. I only sing when there is music on that I can hear, but I do it every time, and it's just how I enjoy music. No one I know sings that much. Until recently I didn't know anyone that loved zombies as much as I did. Not in a "study them to know everything" but rather a "play every game, see every movie, read every story" kinda way. I now know one person who feels the same, but I met him fairly recently in my life.

I feel alone in my religious beliefs. I feel like my understandings are so simple and feel so "right" (in terms of the important things) that I struggle to believe that there isn't an organization that holds all the same ideas. Why do I feel like I'm the only Catholic who believes in not judging others, in loving everyone, in following tradition to connect to God, and believes Hell is not something to actually fear. I believe in a God that wants everyone to love and be happy, and take whatever information they can get, and strive for this. How could any life be more satisfying? I understand other people having different beliefs, but I feel like I know no one who takes the most obvious, simple view. I feel there are no contradictions in my beliefs with such a strong, straight-forward foundation.

I had a bit of an identity crisis about a year ago. I began feeling like I could not control my own actions, could not make everyone happy, could not be myself and fit in anywhere completely. I fled to Calgary believing I would start over with new people, and would shape my life how I wanted it, taking care of myself. Doing this showed me how much my love for my friends, family, and especially love and respect for my girlfriend, meant to me. I learned to listen to people who care, who I trust are intelligent and may actually be right when I feel that I know better. I don't always know what's best for me, but that's ok when others want to look out for you. I want to be a better friend, be a better love, be a better worker, everything. And now I know to seek advice, and ask for help.

I am not like everyone else, and it's funny that I had to break down a bit to truly understand that it's okay. I am a firm believer in society and inclusion, and just getting along. I hope to share my strengths and benefit from others'. I want to be different, and be allowed to do and like what I want, while being a part of a loving group that makes up my life. The movie "Wit" with Emma Thompson taught me that there is nothing more important in life than being there for others, and having people around you. My life is lived only with the existence of my friends and family, and that is exactly the way I want to be. All I need is my select group of people.

And with them we can survive the zombie apocalypse. Hopefully.

The Category of When to Share Your Opinions and Tact

I recently exploded a little bit on my girlfriend's, roommate's boyfriend over a sort of "last straw" situation. He is 18, so a bit younger, but obviously is not aware of the effect he is having on other members of the household. There are a couple qualities he currently has that makes his interaction with others somewhat strained. The first is that he is quite negative; pessimistic, cynical, dark, and just generally against many common things in society. This in itself may not be so bad, as many people live their lives with cynical outlooks, and depressing opinions, and they are of course entitled to them. The problem is his second quality, which is his stubborn need to share his opinions the moment they are relevant.

Now, again, some would say he has a right to voice his opinion, especially when someone else expresses one that differs from his. But let me give you an example. My girlfriend is a dancer, and as such, is in love with So You Think You Can Dance?, the show. She likes watching the talented dancers come together, try new styles, and basically earn their way up the competition ladder based on skill and ability. Now this roommate's boyfriend, does not like reality television. He is quite strongly of the opinion that it is bad to parade people in front of television audiences, and watch them struggle, suffer, and fail for our amusement. Clearly not an opinion I hold, but not an uncommon one by any means. The problem was he decided to express this ferverant feeling as soon as my girlfriend sat down to watch this show, and had expressed how excited she was for this episode.

In my opinion, this was a very mean way to share an opinion. The worst time to share it is when you are bringing someone else down who is happy. Even if you feel your opinion is truth, it is sometimes better to let people have their opinions, and just hold onto yours for another time. I will share another example, sort of. My good friend is quite passionate about music, to a point where he believes he is the ultimate judge of "good" and "bad" music. He believes with his background learning to play it, and his choice of music growing up, that he has the final say on quality. Needless to say, as a person who cannot understand many of the obscure songs that he, and a select group of others I have yet to meet one of, likes, I am often looked down upon for my tastes. He has determined the things that make or break a song, and many of the reasons I like music is totally different from him.

I don't really get into it with him. Not only do I know he can't see my points even if he really wanted to, but I know that he doesn't really like a conflict in which he feels the other person is just ignorant or uneducated. I understand that my basing my taste purely on "enjoyment" or "what sounds good" is not sufficient for him, and so he shuts me down right away. I don't really care, as I have learned this is just how he is, and frankly I don't feel strongly enough to argue anyway. Because of this he honestly believes I have terrible taste in music, and doesn't really know that I think his song choice is weird and boring, in many cases. It doesn't matter, because music is important to him, and not so much to me; I know when to keep my opinions to myself.

In any case, it is so important to only share opinions that you have at a time when you are not hurting anyone by saying it, needlessly anyway. Some people will be hurt at any time, and maybe these people don't need to know how you feel. Some people want to share their thoughts with everyone all the time, but maybe these people just require validation for their opinions. If you have your thoughts, and believe them, maybe consider sparing others things that they don't really want to hear. It may make the dynamic of the group more pleasant, and that's good for everyone.

The last thing you need is a meaningless argument that gets you no where with a group of people you are trusting your life to during the final times of mankind, as they fall to the hordes of zombies the earth is populated with.

Category of Technology Taking Over All Our Lives

If you've ever seen the movie Walle, you may find it to be a heartwarming movie about some robots, and love, and "antics". What it is supposed to suggest as a sub-message, is the danger of relying on technology. People are in floating chairs, only talk via screens, and basically have no human contact. It is an image many people get the message from, and see it as an exaggeration of what it suggests life could be like. However, I do not see it that way. When I think about what it would take to bring people to that point, I see that we are on the path to ending up there. Allow me to explain my logic.

I like to explain this thought by describing the toothbrush, and the technology surrounding it. The standard, original, typical toothbrush is a plastic handle with bristles. It varies in colour, and varying lengths of bristles, but otherwise is standard. They are all used the same way; held in your hand, brushed back and forth. There is of course, a newer alternative, known as the electric toothbrush. This one uses electric power to significantly improve the cleaning capability, as well as reducing the muscle power required. It is basically an example of technology making something, not only easier in simple ways, but totally more effective.

This means that to willingly choose to use a standard toothbrush, you are choosing to work harder in order to do a less thorough job. This is the first danger of technology. Suppose the next step is a precision laser that detects your teeth, and destroys every bit of bacteria or dirt or whatever. To not use this laser will mean you will choose to continue to use your arm muscles with the electric toothbrush to do a less impressive job. Let me clarify my point; what technology aims to do is offer alternatives to older methods that are so effective, they remove any need to ever do it the old-fashioned way.

So if we assume that technology is moving in a direction that seems to encourage we rely more heavily on technology and stop letting humans get in the way of efficiency, we face the problem of being overwhelmed. "Well," you might be saying, "I'm sure humanity would never let it go that far!" But I would argue that we don't really have a choice, and here is why. Let's apply the same idea about improving efficiency and ease to the technology of cars. So next we have hover cars, and cars that drive themselves, and cars that communicate with each other so there are never auto collisions ever again. These people who made the cars have no connection with the people who made the laser toothbrush. What this means is that, because people creating technology are not one "big picture effect" kind of group, the rush to make better technology is not monitored. Everyone is developing their own thing, and our lives will become easier and more reliant one task at a time. We won't see ourselves getting to the point of danger, we'll already find ourselves sunk into it, like quicksand.

What else suggests to me that we could end up like the fat layabouts in Walle, is the amount that people going against technology and the system were beaten around by it. In the movie it was playful, but suppose that we develop an amazing technology that allows cars to move at incedible speeds with no risk of collision, BUT no human is allowed to set foot on a road because every hit could be fatal. Or suppose our technology is so wonderful we can teleport objects through the sky, but because of this, it is too dangerous to have airplanes in the sky anymore. What if the technology is so useful, it MUST be used, but we have to sacrifice areas of our world to accomodate it. It may become the case where not using technology is not only less efficient, but actually dangerous to your safety.

I suppose the saving grace will be in humanity's inability to share, and the inequality of living conditions throughout the world. Even if our tech improves drastically, the poor are still poor, and the third world countries rarely get tech for free. That could slow down the process. It is also possible that groups would form to raise awareness about this, people trying to monitor the rapid growth of our reliance on technology in order to preserve humanity. Or perhaps before we reach a critical point, someone will discover some terrible virus that will eat through humanity, putting a halt to all concerns of brushing our teeth, and force us to focus on survival...

Zombies and How I Came to Love Them: The Category

Well, it strikes me as obvious to write about this, but I haven't yet, so here it is. I'd like to briefly discuss why it is that I love zombies so much. I don't really know where this passion came from, but I seemed to find one day that I was intrigued quite often whenever their mention came up. When I think about it, there are a few things that I like about them. First is the actual make-up of the zombie, then the concepts surrounding their existence, and finally the paradox. I'll elaborate as best I can.

First is the actual zombies themselves. For some reason I feel they truly are a monster in every sense of the word. They are unfeeling, unthinking, moving creatures of destruction and death. There is no way to reason with a zombie, and the fact that it looks like a messed up person makes it terrifying. You don't need scales, or a tail, or even claws and fangs to be scary... you need blood, rot, flesh wounds, and the fact that they don't stop it from coming. It is always part of a larger group, which makes them seem unavoidable, and they are difficult enough to take down, let alone the hundreds one can expect to encounter. They are the remenants of the dead, and of their own victims, and as such, there is a never ending supply. Their bite is always fatal.

I have never been someone who is a zombie "purist", and can't always understand why anyone would be. What I mean by this is that I am not someone who will say "that doesn't count as a zombie" when someone takes the concept in a new direction. I may have preferences as to what makes my favourite kind (see Dawn of the Dead remake) might be, but certain new ideas don't make me turn away in disgust. Marvel zombies have moments of clarity between meals, some zombies have thoughts though they can't talk. Some only eat brains, others the flesh of the living. Some eat animals, some don't. Some learn and adapt, some don't. Some mimic actions of their old lives, others shamble and eat. It doesn't matter really, and I applaud anyone suggesting a new spin on a beloved classic. I'm like that with many beloved classic things in life.

The second thing I like is the idea behind what the world would be like. The constant struggle for survival, the improvisation in dangerous situations, the need for teamwork, trust, planning, etc. What is so interesting is the ethics! I have always been a fan of ethics that really don't apply given the examples they use to be discussed. I loved "I, Robot" for the ethics around robots and their understanding or rights. I love zombies and the way survival changes, or ethics in any circumstance changes. Forget funerals and burials, you gotta shoot them in the head. Mass burning to kill the virus or whatever. Someone is bitten; wait til the turn, or put them out of their misery? What matters when society collapses? It is all interesting to consider, and fairly safe considering it most likely will never be an issue. Even thoughts of what kinds of weapons work best, when limited to every day items? All fascinating to consider and discuss.

The last aspect that I don't even understand is the fear. I love zombies, but only to think about or escape from. I would never have a poster of a zombie, because in my opinion, zombies are meant to be observed for no more than 5 seconds at one time, before you kill it or escape. They aren't beautiful, they are hideous. I say I like them, but I would never suggest they are "good" or that I would be excited if they were around. To be honest, they are the scariest monster I know. More than vampires, more than werewolves. Once a zombie outbreak starts, the entire world is in jeopardy. They are that serious. Sometimes when I am alone, or in different places, I imagine what I would do if an outbreak suddenly happened; where would I go, what would I use, and so on. Every time, I creep myself out, and am glad it isn't real. I have actually had multiple terrifying nightmares about zombies, and I know it is because I flood my mind with them. I literally introduce fear into my life because of my fascination with zombies. This is the paradox of my love for them.

To end this post about zombies, and to stick to my tradition, let me leave with this parting sentiment.

Zombies. :D